I haven’t had time or energy to write in a while, but there’s been a lot on mind. Now that summer is officially here, I hope to have time to catch up on some things. This particular thing has been weighing on me a lot.
Friendship is a curious thing, and I think there’s more to it than I ever considered. My mom’s always been annoyed I had more than one best friend and I’ve finally realized why I did that. The English language doesn’t have enough distinctions for levels of friendship. Everyone on Facebook is considered your friend, but I have plenty of people on there who I wouldn’t call friends. They are people I happen to know and have nothing against, or are business contacts. And an acquaintance would seem too casual for someone you’ve known for years. But I have realized lately that just because someone was once your best friend, does not mean they retain that title now or that they are even a friend at all anymore.
Friendship has nothing to do with how you get along, or what you have in common, though that does play a role in if you want to spend time with that person. Friendship is much more than that. It’s about loyalty, support, having each other’s back and being there when you’re needed. We all have our own stuff going on, but a true friend is there when you need them. And to the flip side of that, a true friend understands why sometimes you can’t be there because they care about you too. Someone who lies to you and lets you down again and again, always saying it’s not their fault is not a friend. It’s not that a friend never lets you down, but they accept when they do and they try to make up for it, and own their mistake. Not pretend it never happened. They know what you like, love, and just can’t stand. They know when you’re in that mood that nothing is going to change but time, and they know when you just need to have someone to talk to. They’re the number you call when you’re in trouble. They don’t blow you off unless it’s important, and they do their best to help you with what they can. And they are the people who you have the best time with, no matter what you’re doing.
It can be a hard thing to realize that people you love are not your friends, even if they care about you too. It is something I’ve come to accept this semester as I’ve dealt with the ups and downs and chaos. You have to take the bad with the good, but you have to see when there is no good left. I have realized I have some very awesome friends in my life, and some people who don’t really need to be in my life at all anymore. I have realized I have groups of friends that don’t necessarily need to mix. And I have realized the ones that know I’m crazy and keep coming back anyway are the ones I can count on. They are the ones who remind me of what all I can do when I’m down on myself, and I try to tell them how wonderful I think they are.
I am very lucky. My group of real friends may be smaller than I realized, but they are incredible and I love every one of them. I won’t name them by name but I think they know who they are. I have the girls, I’ve got my guys, I have my best friend and I am oh so lucky to have my brother. Thank you all, for keeping me sane and giving me some awesome memories.