When you know someone is just pretending to be your friend, sometimes you call them out on it and sometimes you let them keep pretending. Because you can ignore that small voice that tells you it’s not real, because sometimes you need that person to be there when they’re the only one you can talk to. Maybe you put too much faith in that person, too much trust, but they’re there. So when they finally stop pretending, it hurts all the same. There’s a hole there that you don’t quite know how to fill.
What’s worse though is when you didn’t know someone was pretending. When they’ve been there for you, had your back, seen you cry, and then suddenly they’re not. They just up and leave, and all you’re left with is questions and a gaping hole in your heart that all the tears you spill will not fill. No amount of tears and anger can change it, no way to get the answers you seek. You simply have to accept it, despite the pain.
I would say I keep losing friends, but I honestly can’t call them friends in the first place. Because friends don’t act like that, friends don’t pretend, they don’t put a price on your friendship, and they don’t use you over and over again. And as hurt as I feel, it makes me all that more grateful for the real friends I have, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I was lucky enough to spend Saturday night with some of the best of them, and it makes me feel better about those I “lost”. I love them more than just about anything else in this world, and they’re the reason I’m scared to go to Orlando next spring. I’m afraid to lose them.
I’ve been cooped up far too much this summer, and the clock is ticking towards the start of school. I want to spend every minute I can with you guys until we go back to our scheduled lives trying to balance school and a social life.